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Blogging soon!

Blogging soon!

by Ebony Janine | Jan 5, 2017 | Ebony | 0 Comments

I will be blogging soon, watch this space!

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Holistic Doula London

4 weeks ago

CUTOUT poem made up of 4 randomly generated words. Challenge inspired by @bloodmoonjournal and @finding.finesse 🖤 ...

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Ebony Gilbert Mobile: 07863 224173 email: ebonyjanine@hotmail.com

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Smear campaign Joy of joys, I had my smear test

Smear campaign

Joy of joys, I had my smear test this morning.
I’ve always had smear fear.
But how the nurse treats me makes the difference between it being a triggering experience (survivor of abuse) and a relatively straightforward medical procedure that no one presumably enjoys.
No one wants cells scraped from their cervix and smeared on a glass slide do they?
Last time I had a vaginal examination a couple of years ago, the nurse actually mocked me for trying to calm myself down.
“Well, I’ve never seen anyone have to do breathing techniques to have a speculum exam.”
Survivor or not, this type of language and treatment is totally shit bordering on inhumane.
Another friend was told “Come on, you don’t want to end up like Jade Goody do you?”
Today I tried to arm myself before I went in with one-liners on self-advocacy (the same stuff I’d do for doula clients) as my natural response is to freeze and be mute in the face of situations I find traumatic.
Turns out the nurse was kind and compassionate, something I always remember to tell them that I appreciate.
I felt really emotional that this act of self care had risen in me; fifteen years into therapy and recovery, the batteries in my voice box have started working.
It’s still switched on to low and that’s okay.
I doubt I’ll ever find it easy to speak up for my needs.
But part of my self care plan much like the birth plans I help women write is to have my wishes written down in case I don’t feel able to verbalise them in the moment.
I’m perfectly able to tell a woman she has the right to decline a vaginal exam during labour regardless of the hospital protocol.
And now I’m finally starting to put my self worth under the microscope, putting measures in place to help prevent a slide into the traumaverse.
Results are expected in 4-6 weeks.

#traumarecovery #becauseimworthit

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